The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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