Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
