who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
