Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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