I wish I could punch you in the face.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
