We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
