Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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