Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
