Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
