If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
