I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
