Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
