stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i think i just lost a toe
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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