Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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