I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
