I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
false alarm. still invincible.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
