is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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