Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
