brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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