Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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