NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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