y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
