I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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