why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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