Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
