Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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