i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
