Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
