like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
