I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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