All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
