I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
