A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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