Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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