I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
