doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
