White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
