I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
