come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
