I got chris browned last night
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
