those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
