why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
