Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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