Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
