every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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