I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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