is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Hippo gnu deer
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
