why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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