32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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