So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
